This week has been bittersweet. I had to put my dog who was 16 years old to sleep on Monday because she had breast cancer, very bad. That was the HARDEST decision I EVER had to make. The look in her eyes is in my mind, and I can't stop thinking about her. She tried to stay here as long as we allowed her, she was a fighter, loyal, and a big part of my family. She was also very gentle and just lived so carefree.
I will never forget you Daisy May.

 Tuesday, July 7th, my niece gave birth to her first child. Landon, 7lbs. 14.oz! He is so beautiful.
I am officially a great aunt! She is still young so this will be interesting.

For the Fourth we went to camp for 5 days, had a barbecue, fireworks, beer, etc.

I went to the Doctor yesterday for my 6 month check up because of the medication I take. Now I have to have testing done!! I HATE needles! It is a bitch getting older, LOL.


TTFN

SpellCaster's Newest video. I tried to post if before, but I couldn't figure out how because they changed the options. Got it now!! Also his first one is on this post again.

THIS IS STILL MY FAVORITE!! =)

A creation I came up with thanks to CIL M and Debs scrap Designs. It has been awhile since I have used PSP, but I am getting back into the groove. Goodnight!!

Lifehouse - Everything

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place
where I find peace, again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light, to my soul.
You are my purpose, you're everything.

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You still my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, you're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want, you're all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want, you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want, you're all I need.
You're everything, everything.

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better, any better than this.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Finally sold the camper. It was ruined by the heavy snow this year. I guess the guy must be going to fix it, I dunno. I have been trying to clean the lot, etc. There are soo many leaves and acorns everywhere. I can't wait to get the other camper put there so I can get some relaxation! I am on unemployment now because I quit my job in December thanks to the bosses spoiled son and her attitude. I won so I did something right! The past 6 months have been nothing but turmoil over and over. I don't know why everything happens like it does. I haven't been feeling good again. Yeah I know, here she goes again with her psycho shit.

I took the plunge and finally got another tattoo! Hurt like a bit#@! If anyone wonders does it hurt on your foot, YES, it does indeed. I will tell you one thing it takes your mind off of a lot of stuff, Lol. But I did not scream or anything so I guess I might be exaggerating a little.
Tomorrow is manic Monday, yuck. Just had to share that, i'm off to bed. G'night!

Happy Spring after a long hard winter!! It is beautiful outside today!! Instead of being outside cleaning u p the yard, I sit here downloading music. The windows are open though, so that should count for something? Tonight is going to be Bud Light night. I haven't had one since New Years. I've tried hard to behave since I sent a not so nice message to a former friend, but that is what intoxication does. My attempts to make amends have not worked, so cheers!! Anyways, have a nice spring everyone!<<<SMILES ARE WORKING!!




Hades, always in my thoughts.

I added a new music player, and it worked, whew! My smilies are still not working!!!!

SpellCaster if you read this, your song is also on my new music player.=)

Well, again it has been a long time since i've posted. I don't know why I can't be consistent, but I am going to make an effort!! As mostly everyone else, Farmville has been my addiction on Facebook for the past two weeks. I am sooooo bored and depressed. Making alot of mistakes in my life seems to be the routine for me. I've lost a person who means the world to me, as a good friend. You never know what you've got until it's gone, and this time, it is truly gone for good I fear.

It is hard to believe 2009 has come and gone so fast. The holidays flew by!! We have been having winter storms consistently this month. The first one took about half of my pine tree limbs, so it is bye bye tree in the spring. They are forecasting another half foot or so tomorrow into Friday. It doesn't really bother me because I was a winter baby I guess.


My  music player needs updated, my page needs updated, links need sorted and deleted, a whole new facelift!! The thing is remembering how to do it all, Lol. It will keep me busy.

For some reason my "More smilies" button does not bring up all of the smilies anymore and it is driving me crazy. Although I know I am probably talking to myself here, it doesn't matter, right?

Anyways, I am going to try and do something with this page so I leave you with Train!!

Well, it has been some time since I have posted anything here. Daily life is just usually to busy. I have however recieved an email from a very talented friend of mine. He is a poet, and now he is making music. I am excited for his first video because it sounds really great. I am going to post it here, and hope everyone enjoys it.

I am FINALLY back online! My computer had a BAD virus, and well.. I tried to fix it, but I couldn't. Last week I took it to get fixed, actually it only took 2 days. Although, alot of my things are no longer on my computer because everything had to be reinstalled with the OS, which sucks alot. I guess I will have to start over and collect stuff again! Anyways, WHEW! At first it really wasn't that hard to be without a computer, but c'mon now over a month is really irritating,lol.

For now, it is time for bed and things so....Goodnight cyberspace!

Moi~>MINE!

I don't think I did to bad!!

Anyways, I am counting down.... ONE MORE WEEK and school starts!!!!!!! YAY!!!!! OMG I am so excited, Lol. I love my kids, but I need some mommy time!! My baby is going to kindergarten and I am not sure how I will handle that..she has grown SO fast. I am sure I will need support that first day, well actually week at the bus stop. She will go all day too, they don't mess with that half day stuff here. I am sure she will love it, she really liked headstart so...

I am off to make more PSP things...

  "I KNOW IT'S WONDERFUL FOR PEOPLE TO THANK UR CRAZY, THAT WAY YA DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING YOU DO HAHAH.."

I haven't posted for a long time, I know. Alot of things on my mind...
Guess what?? "When you tell someone basically you are crazy", well, because you are... and they try and use it against you when they are mad, they are NOT a true friend, NOT to me.  If I need time to take care of things in my life, then so be it! GET OVER IT and don't ask how I am, or how I have been. I don't appreciate being used and manipulated. If you are my friend, then act like it! GRRRR!!!!
If you aren't, then that is your loss? The only one I have to explain anything to is GOD........

P.S.

Bob thanks for the comment on the Wiccan post, but it is the way I feel and if you don't like it, don't read my blog! Guess what? I do believe in GOD, I do not need a BIBLE THUMPER posting obsurd links here. Read and be on your way, or at least say something intelligent.

Damn it is hot today!! Finally....

Last day of school was Tuesday, blah. This week has finally slowed down some, well kinda. Now I have to get things ready to go camping again...this stuff wears a person out.

There are usually arguments, disagreements, etc., but I like to go because of the atmosphere, the trees and surroundings. The fire doesn't rekindle anything, but itself. It does however make me think of another person that I love and feel present when I close my eyes..actually it is about the only place that makes me feel so close to them. The smell of the fire brings back memories, special memories. I will always love them with my heart and soul.

I went to the Doctor's the other day because I thought I had bronchitis, but  it is a sinus infection. They gave me antibiotics, which I did get the script filled for, but uhm well, I don't like to take things I never took before. I need to take them...I tell myself that, my mind won't listen. I lost 6 pounds too and wasn't even trying?!!! YAY, I think?! Maybe my Lexapro? I refuse to dwell on it...yeah right!

My Grandma hurt herself on Friday so I have been going there too daily to change her bandage. Her skin is so thin that she ripped a HUGE piece of it and had to go to the hospital, then a specialist on Monday. They thought they were going to have to do a skin graph on it, but that isn't the case. It looks so nasty and nobody else would change the dressing. Wimps! A few months ago was the first time in like 4 years I went to see her. She was sick and in the hospital. I have had grievances against her for believing something someone in my family who is an asshole told her about me that was a very big lie. That is what stopped me from visiting with her. I have came to terms with it all and put it behind me. She is the only Grandmother I have left. I was pretty close to her when I was younger, but not like my other grandmother. That is what made me realize I need to move forward and let bygones be bygones. You have one life, live it. Not everything is perfect. Anyways, a Nurse was supposed to start coming to do the dressing, which I am glad, but she did not come yesterday, not until Friday. It needs professional care, I have experience with it, but I would feel safer knowing that it is free from infection and things.
Oh, nothing keeps her down.. she is going to be 92 in October, feistiest woman you could ever meet. She still does yard work and everything. She told me that she refuses to stay down because that will be the end for her. To bad other elderly people don't feel that way.

Enough gabbing for now. I have to do laundry.










XOX u

It has been a long week, I am finally home. Just as we were getting home on Tuesday, we got news that Tracy had died. I had to pack all over again and make reservations, order flowers, etc. to get ready to go to Ohio for the funeral. It was an unnerving situation. I know, all funerals are, but her being only 42, was even more devastating. At least she is no longer suffering. She did fight it until the end, she said she could not fight anymore. She was one of those people who would be the first to greet you if you walked in the door. Always smiling and having a good time, so fun to be around. Last year in August at the reunion I could tell something was wrong, she just wasn't her. She did try to be, but she didn't feel well. A month or so later she found out about the tumors, that is when her fight began. She wanted to live so bad, it is just a sad situation all around.

We got there and back fine, but I am very tired, and getting ready for bed. On the other hand though the camping was fine, no drama, whew...

 

Tracy, I will never forget you or your beautiful soul!!

She is Gone

You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she's gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

 

 

There has been alot of things on my mind. One in particular is about Tracy, she is my cousin through marriage and is only 42 years old. In the Fall she was diagnosed with brain tumors, but despite trying to have them removed and going through ALOT of chemo, she still had negative results. They moved her to Ohio near her mom and dad to a Hospice. She is failing daily and it just sucks. She knows she is dying, that is the worse part about it all. She was always so full of life and a cool person. 
I just hope she goes peacefully. Nobody wanted me to know about it because I was so anxious at the time, it made me a little mad.

Depending on what happens with her, we are going to Big Bear this weekend, well actually Thursday evening or Friday morning. I am not thrilled at the idea because I think I will be stuck by myself because some of his friends from the fire hall and their families are going. They have a campsite there too. Also they have a hell of a party planned, kegs and all. Yippee....NOT. I also don't want to take the girls over there around all of that. Last year one of his friends was so drunk they was in the fire pit and didn't even realize it!

The other one has been having Anxiety bad and I tried to talk to him and tell him he needs to accept that is what is wrong, but it is a hard thing to believe no matter how many times you have it, or people try and convince you. I wish him luck.

I have not heard from my Therapist yet, assuming she is mad because I cancelled Friday at the last minute. Humm...

It is time for me to do something or watch tv, tired tired!!

Once again it is Monday, the absolute worse day of the week!! I just hate it, LOL.

The weekend was okay, I was glad we did not go to Morgantown Saturday for dinner.
I just did not feel like going anywhere. I did ,however, have to go to dinner, but that was here, not far. The electric was out for like 6 hours and I could not cook, pity.
We have been having some major kiss arse winds and rainy cold weather, I am beginning to wonder if we will even have summer this year. I mean I hate heat, but having to wear a sweat shirt or jacket in May is ridiculous!

Oh well enough babbling. I am thinking that when I upgraded my RAM, I should have taken out the old RAM card? I was just unsure so I did not do it. The computer still is not running as fast as I think it should after an upgrade. Maybe I will take out the old card and see what happens, what is the worse I could do?

Michelle, who is my best friend and cousins wife had showed me some photos this morning of the Star Boys. WOW! They are like these guys who do stunts, etc. on motorcycles. The place she works and is a Manager had them there on Saturday. I wish I would have went! They are awesome. They have also taken on a female rider, from what I seen on the photos, she is awesome. I will have to look at their MySpace and check them out. I did not go the first time they were there at the shop a few years ago either. Next time I will go see them for sure.

Yesterday my mom took me into work because I did not go in on Friday, boy I despise that. I dunno why I just don't go on Friday and get it over with.  I have a new interview for the online job this week. As of now I really want it bad, but I want to make sure I can do the hours, etc. that it requests. Having kids at home does not make for a quiet background. Probably if I get it I won't want it, LOL.

Ther other day I went to a chatroom that myself and all of my online friends, well the ones I had, there are only really one left that means anything, but I could not log in and it made me so mad!! I emailed them and asked if they could fix the room or something. A few years ago an ass who used to go there did something to the room because nobody could stand him, including me. Those days are long gone, I know. Sometimes I am really to bored and reminisce, Does that make me a fruitcake?
I think so....

Isn't life a funny thing? You take the cards you are dealt and move on...

That is enough jibberish for now. Later I am sure that I will have something from my day to add here.